Motherhood, you might be years beyond it, in the thick of it, or still waiting for it.  So before I dive into this subject I would like to talk to all the women out there who have not reached their desired status with motherhood this post is not meant to make you feel like an outsider.  I see you and hope you are able to embrace the message I am trying to share.  

What sentiments are stirred when you think about motherhood? For some, it is guilt for the moments missed, for others absolute bliss, and then there are those who find this subject to be too painful. I think if we are honest it's a little bit of everything. One of life's many blessings comes with uncertainty and challenges beyond what we feel prepared or equipped for. We are supposed to face these challenges with grace and hope and that is not always easy.

In my experience, most of my memories consist of Tuesday morning snuggles, fun crafts, and activities, sprinkled with some failures and disappointments that carry such a sense of guilt.  I was a working mom with two babies under two with my only day off being Tuesdays.  I envied moms who were able to enjoy the toddler years without the weight of working a full-time job as well as nurturing a budding marriage. I often wore my challenges and regret like blinders unable to see what was right in front of me. Ten years later and it still stings.

Now let’s fast forward to the year 2022 when our IG feeds are filled with influencers who are not only moms but designers, creatives, and CEOs.  Most days while I scroll through IG I sigh a prayer of gratitude that while I was in those rough yet formative years, IG was still in its early stages.

In this Instagram-perfect world, even that target mom who is sharing her baby’s explosive diaper/outfit change story is a little hard to relate to.  You know the story…baby just had an explosive diaper and it soiled the last set of clothes in the diaper bag.  Her hair and makeup, are flawless! I don’t know about you but these are tough for me. Not that I don’t have a few stories of my own because lord knows I do.  I just don’t remember mine going as smoothly as hers. In fact, I am certain I wasn’t even at target, I had no idea where my phone was and not nearly enough concealer to get that perfect #bathroomselfie.  I promise you I’m not hating on this instamom, I’m impressed. She not only knew where her phone was but the bathroom lighting was on point.  What made it hard wasn’t that I couldn’t relate it was that I was too busy comparing my story to hers. 

Isn’t that what we always do, compare our stories.  Friends, if we are not careful, comparison can be an imbalanced scale where we weigh our experiences with others and find that it comes up short.  We convince ourselves that our story is not grand enough, therefore has no value.  We lock it away robbing those around us of knowing that they are not alone.  Our stories were meant to be told. Our struggles were meant to be shared, how we survived matters.  I guarantee you that some detail in your story will resonate with one soul and even if it’s just one wouldn’t that be worth it! 

All these years later I still struggle with hiding my stories because I didn’t see the value. Always comparing; comparing my pain, my frustrations, my victories my story would never be enough. 

a few years back we were visiting with some friends and I was reminded of my early years in motherhood.  When we first met our friends they were newlyweds with no kids. We were 7 years married with a 4yr old & 2yr old.  We quickly became friends that did life together, we went to concerts and dinners. Eventually began working alongside them in a college/young adult ministry.  Sharing life and ministry gave them a front-row seat to our parenting style. The winging-it style, very popular among the parents who’ve never read a parenting book in their lifetime. With not a lot of options for child care, we brought our kids everywhere and found ourselves in precarious situations.  We’d carry on conversations with college students while our screaming toddlers would beg for cookies we’ve already said no to. in desperate moments we would distract them with lollipops while giving them the look. They would convince the team members to download games on their phones(BTW they still do this today so if my kids ask you if you have games on your phone run). The chaos was unreal but we made the best of it and hoped no one would remember.

During this visit, all five of our children were running around the house screaming and laughing. My friend and I sat at the counter watching them run back and forth. She shared with me that when it comes to parenting she thinks back to the days when my kids were little. It’s a reminder to her that even on the unusual days, all of this is very normal.  We both laughed but her words resonated; If she only knew that those days felt far from normal for me.  Balancing, life, motherhood, and ministry with grace was not my strength. In fact, I was convinced I was giving it a bad name.  The season I called “chaos” became an offering, a common ground where she could sigh a breath of relief. On a tough day my friend that sigh is a gift. All of a sudden my shameful mommy moments came full circle and I realized that my story had a purpose. Those raw and unfiltered moments made space for her to weigh what was really important. She ripped a page from a story I didn’t want anyone to know about, she made room for it and it helped navigate her story.

Friends don’t hide your story no matter how imperfect it may seem to you. Embracing your not-so-perfect moments makes room for God’s grace. You don’t have to sweat the small stuff continue to look for opportunities to do better. When moments of comparison try to creep in take a deep breath, search inwardly and ask God to reveal his plan of growth and healing for your life. There is a life out there that will be deeply impacted by yours and even if it is just one it will be worth it.

-Nanette