Oh, the stories we will tell.

Motherhood, you might be years beyond it, in the thick of it, or still waiting for it.  So before I dive into this subject I would like to talk to all the women out there who have not reached their desired status with motherhood this post is not meant to make you feel like an outsider.  I see you and hope you are able to embrace the message I am trying to share.  

What sentiments are stirred when you think about motherhood? For some, it is guilt for the moments missed, for others absolute bliss, and then there are those who find this subject to be too painful. I think if we are honest it's a little bit of everything. One of life's many blessings comes with uncertainty and challenges beyond what we feel prepared or equipped for. We are supposed to face these challenges with grace and hope and that is not always easy.

In my experience, most of my memories consist of Tuesday morning snuggles, fun crafts, and activities, sprinkled with some failures and disappointments that carry such a sense of guilt.  I was a working mom with two babies under two with my only day off being Tuesdays.  I envied moms who were able to enjoy the toddler years without the weight of working a full-time job as well as nurturing a budding marriage. I often wore my challenges and regret like blinders unable to see what was right in front of me. Ten years later and it still stings.

Now let’s fast forward to the year 2022 when our IG feeds are filled with influencers who are not only moms but designers, creatives, and CEOs.  Most days while I scroll through IG I sigh a prayer of gratitude that while I was in those rough yet formative years, IG was still in its early stages.

In this Instagram-perfect world, even that target mom who is sharing her baby’s explosive diaper/outfit change story is a little hard to relate to.  You know the story…baby just had an explosive diaper and it soiled the last set of clothes in the diaper bag.  Her hair and makeup, is flawless! I don’t know about you but these are tough for me. Not that I don’t have a few stories of my own because lord knows I do.  I just don’t remember mine going as smoothly as hers. In fact, I am certain I wasn’t even at target, I had no idea where my phone was and not nearly enough concealer to get that perfect #bathroomselfie.  I promise you I’m not hating on this instamom, I’m impressed. She not only knew where her phone was but the bathroom lighting was on point.  What made it hard wasn’t that I couldn’t relate it was that I was too busy comparing my story to hers. 

Isn’t that what we always do, compare our stories.  Friends, if we are not careful, comparison can be an imbalanced scale where we weigh our experiences with others and find that it comes up short.  We convince ourselves that our story is not grand enough, therefore has no value.  We lock it away robbing those around us of knowing that they are not alone.  Our stories were meant to be told. Our struggles were meant to be shared, how we survived matters.  I guarantee you that some detail in your story will resonate with one soul and even if it’s just one wouldn’t that be worth it! 

All these years later I still struggle with hiding my stories because I didn’t see the value. Always comparing; comparing my pain, my frustrations, my victories my story would never be enough. 

a few years back we were visiting with some friends and I was reminded of my early years in motherhood.  When we first met our friends they were newlyweds with no kids. We were 7 years married with a 4yr old & 2yr old.  We quickly became friends that did life together, we went to concerts and dinners. Eventually began working alongside them in a college/young adult ministry.  Sharing life and ministry gave them a front-row seat to our parenting style. The winging-it style, very popular among the parents who’ve never read a parenting book in their lifetime. With not a lot of options for child care, we brought our kids everywhere and found ourselves in precarious situations.  We’d carry on conversations with college students while our screaming toddlers would beg for cookies we’ve already said no to. in desperate moments we would distract them with lollipops while giving them the look. They would convince the team members to download games on their phones(BTW they still do this today so if my kids ask you if you have games on your phone, run). The chaos was unreal but we made the best of it and hoped no one would remember.

During this visit, all five of our children were running around the house screaming and laughing. My friend and I sat at the counter watching them run back and forth. She shared with me that when it comes to parenting she thinks back to the days when my kids were little. It’s a reminder to her that even on the unusual days, all of this is very normal.  We both laughed but her words resonated; If she only knew that those days felt far from normal for me.  Balancing, life, motherhood, and ministry with grace was not my strength. In fact, I was convinced I was giving it a bad name.  The season I called “chaos” became an offering, a common ground where she could sigh a breath of relief. On a tough day my friend that sigh is a gift. All of a sudden my shameful mommy moments came full circle and I realized that my story had a purpose. Those raw and unfiltered moments made space for her to weigh what was really important. She ripped a page from a story I didn’t want anyone to know about, she made room for it and it helped navigate her story.

Friends don’t hide your story no matter how imperfect it may seem to you. Embracing your not-so-perfect moments make room for God’s grace. You don’t have to sweat the small stuff just continue to look for opportunities to do better. When moments of comparison try to creep in, take a deep breath, search inwardly and ask God to reveal his plan of growth and healing for your life. There is a life out there that will be deeply impacted by yours and even if it is just one it will be worth it.

-Nanette

When do you start? Now!

Like many of you I started this year with a pen and paper in hand ready to plan for the “BEST YEAR EVER”. What goals will I reach? which things will I cut out of my life (and diet)? and most importantly when will I start? 

Have you heard the phrase "no better time than the present"? Maybe at church, school, or motivational speakers.  This phrase was first recorded in 1562 and it still holds its weight in 2020 gracing IG and FB feeds everywhere. But how do we take a phrase like that and put it into action? Most of us start with a list #1. Apply for our dream job #2. More disciplined healthy lifestyle #3. Finally paint that guest bathroom. Whatever it is, one thing is for sure it will require work. In fact, what usually stands in our way is that our desire doesn’t always match our dedication.

If you are anything like me you might lay in bed at the end of the day thinking about that last load of laundry that you didn’t fold and put away, then all of a sudden unfolded laundry turns into “I suck at life?!” (I know I am a bit dramatic, bear with me) we tie a lot of our success in life to our daily accomplishments.  And if you have an off day you can get pretty discouraged.  But let me encourage you my friend, you are not alone!  We all have off days it’s part of the journey. When we hear phrases like “we are all allotted the same 24 hours in a day as…(actor, designer, blogger)” it can be daunting. Yes, how we use our 24hrs does determine where we are going but for a second let’s not compare ourselves to others. Instead lets use this gift of seeing their success to figure out just how they did it. My reason for writing is not to reprimand but rather to reignite a passion or fan a dimly lit flame.

Today as I sit at my kitchen table/office/the new lunch spot ( thank you COVID-19), I think about all that has changed in the last four months, even the last five years. Due to the recent events of COVID-19 we’ve ventured from distance learning to complete virtual schooling. When I think about this rare opportunity I’ve been given to provide a safe space for my children to continue learning while we are in the midst of a state mandated quarantine, I am grateful. In fact i’m running my photography business along with freelance graphic work/creative consulting contracts all while being a SAHM. This was not always the case, just 6 years ago I was working as a medical secretary. I enjoyed helping patients, and gave it my best working for some talented health professionals. While at work I missed my children terribly, in the back of my head I would dream up scenarios where I get to be home with my kiddos and still financially contribute to my household.  The dreaming often frustrated more than it inspired me. Riddled with questions like, why do my goals outweigh my accomplishments? 7 years felt like a long time to dream without seeing any fruit. I want to share with you what I did during this season of waiting.

Faith being such an important part of my life, often I would seek answers in scriptures like “The steps of a good man are ordered of the Lord.” (psalms 37:23) while that was very encouraging I was looking for a five step plan (any enneagram 6’s out there?). I needed the details, who, what, where, when, why and most importantly how? Dreaming was always the easy part; it's when you start to work out those details where you begin to find the obstacles.  Another reason why I am writing to you today, encouraging you to not lose hope! Dreaming my friends requires faith and bravery, Faith to plan and bravery to start. 

Which brings me back to the scripture in psalms 37:23 “The steps of a good man are ordered of the Lord.”, the word that stood out was “steps”. Steps is an action word and requires just that, action. This means that you should start moving even when you don’t have all the details in order.  While I was dropping kids off at daycare and going to work I was still preparing. Some actions I took that you can also take while you're in your waiting season are:

1. Planning: Deciding which plan of action best fits your life style and figuring out how you will implement it.

2. Learning: In this age of information we are a few you tube videos away form mastering so many skills.

3. Praying: Do not forsake the small and steady moments in prayer. We have a God who cares about every detail.

4. Write it all down: Documenting is such an important part of the journey. This was one of the ways I combatted discouragement. Looking back and reminding yourself just how far you have come helps you keep your eyes on the prize.  

We often confuse success with the place of arrival and not the process in which it takes to get there. Most people don’t embrace their failures, they just quit.  Some take for granted these slow seasons in life. Looking back I realized those moments gave me the time to catch my breath, improve my skill and perfect my gifts.  Friends, these small and steady steps are important ones, because of the promise that they are ordered of the Lord. All of those years in the medical field I was still planning, learning, and praying and it brought me here.

The simplicity and wonder of it all is that dreams don’t need a perfected plan, just a plan.  So you don’t have to wait, you can start now!  Take out those planners, notebooks, post-it notes and start taking steps.  Planning so when the right opportunity comes along or when this quarantine is lifted, you will be ready. Don’t waste the pain and disappointments of life’s fleeting moments. They are not missed opportunities, they're just practice. Use these experiences, gain inspiration, and use it to push you in the right direction. Friend, let today be the start of something beautiful.

Nanette